Momentary Meltdown

A little perspective please...

2010-01-13T12:10:00.000-08:00

All it ever does is rain in this damn city. Murphy’s law would of course apply when I say my umbrella was sitting safely in my bottom desk drawer. I wasn’t thrilled with the weather, but I had better things to worry about than the rain. I had an interview to get to, one that might just change the course of my life. Taking the shortcut though, that is the moment that changed my life.

You know those moments that you replay in your head over and over, what if you had thought things through before jumping head first into unforeseeable consequences…before jumping headfirst into oncoming traffic?

It truly happened in slow motion. The light turned red, the expensive sports car careening out of control, the eyes of the prissy, manicured woman at the wheel-wide with terror as just moments before she was probably wondering what her live-in cook would make for dinner as she hurried from yoga class to pick up the kids from their expensive nursery school. The light had been red ever since she turned onto Maplewood Drive. Aren’t we all preoccupied? Don’t we all have really important things to do? Did she even consider her actions would affect the lives of other people? Or are the other people just insignificant to her, her money being most important of course, people like that really make me angry.

I don’t know why I didn’t think about what would happen. I saw the soccer ball roll into the street. I heard the squeal of tires. I screamed for the child to stop chasing the ball, and when he didn’t my body moved by itself as if possessed by some unearthly force. I don’t even like kids. The last thing I remember is the look in that lady’s eyes, that and seeing the little boy standing safely on the curb, looking at the blood.

I have a book....

2010-01-13T06:17:00.000-08:00

...in my soul. I do. Yes, I have a book in my soul. It's dying to get out. I'm not sure if it's a memoir, because it's totally about me, or if it's winding its way into a novel with the characters that make up my life evolving into different people with different endings and different lives. It scratches at the back of my mind during everyday events, begging me to drop what I am doing and WRITE it DOWN! I find myself ignoring other pressing issues and day dreaming story lines and chacters and conversations....

2009-12-23T10:23:00.000-08:00

Scholastic.com offers advice for beating holiday stress for teachers. Here are my faves--

Keep in mind that no matter what colleagues, your principal, students, or parents think or say, you're basically a good teacher who can't please all the people all the time.

Think of things that make teaching fun for you - and do them!

Give yourself permission to do absolutely nothing for five minutes a day — and not feel guilty about it.

Be grateful to have a meaningful job.

Keep in mind this Christmas....

2009-12-18T07:06:00.000-08:00

I was just talking to a guidance counselor about one of my students and was moved to tears as I learned more about this student's life.....

I have friends having babies, adopting children, applying to become foster parents, and loving their toddlers' first words. I have cousins who's children are the most important members of our family and who get covered in hugs and kisses the moment they walk in the door. These kids are much loved....but there are kids out there who are not.

Please keep in mind, (and not just during the holidays) how lucky you are to be loved. Share that love. Be kind to each other, especially those who are most difficult to be kind to. Think twice before mocking the weird kid, the smelly kid, the little rich girl, the socially awkward one, the band geeks, the prissy popular girls, the poor kid, the teacher who wears weird clothes, the guy who dropped all his books on the stairs, the girl who sits alone at lunch, the guy who tells annoying jokes....we are all a product of our environment. Be conscious of when you are kind, know when you are unkind. Make an effort to not hurt others. Seriously think about what you do and to whom....

And above all know that someone cares about you. I do. Happy Holidays.

Merry Christmas.

Let the Countdown Begin:

2009-12-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

HAPPINESS RULES!
Lalalaaaaa....only 4 more school days till Christmas break! I am so so happy!

GLOBAL WARMING AND ALL THAT JAZZ
Nope. I do not believe in Global Warming. (I'm a republican for goodness sakes) Have you checked outside lately? Yup. Cold. I'm not sending Christmas cards this year. This will be the first time in 13 years that I have not sent my own Christmas cards to my friends and family. I'm not holding back the card delivery as a measure to impact the environment, I'm not trying to save trees. I'm lazy and broke. That's it. Although I did take some nice pictures of my dog in a Santa hat with the good intentions of putting them in a card.... life goes on. Merry Christmas and all that jazz.

NONSENSE
Mwahahahahaha. My poor students. They really want to watch movies and do nothing next week. How does that formulate their intelligent minds? How does that improve their education and their ability to be productive in society? No, my poor little naughties, we will be editing our memoirs next week and working in the computer lab. I am the evil teacher of your nightmares and I get pleasure from your pain.

Pssssssttttt......

2009-12-14T04:32:00.000-08:00

Teachers do not want coffee mugs for christmas. We can only fit so many in our cabinet..... now books. There's always room for another book.

...that is all.

2009-12-08T09:16:00.001-08:00

I want my students to read and love reading. (I'm reading the Kite Runner right now for the first time. I'm also reading Nineteen Minutes and When I was Puerto Rican.) What are you reading?

I love these two, really cool teachers who are working together on reading instruction and workshop.

I want my students to write and love writing. (I'm working on a short memoir about a cute boy I met in London. :-).....)

I sorta want a nap.

In a million words or less....

2009-12-04T05:27:00.000-08:00

why I love my job, even on the crummy days:

-My job is never ever boring.
-I love seeing the light bulb moments that my students have
-My co-workers ROCK!
-I like kids.
-I like watching my students grow and change in the 9 months I have them
-I like being in control. I can decide what I teach and when, I can decide if I want to stay late or if I want to take work home, I can drop all plans and change my mind at the drop of a hat. (there aren't many careers where you can do all that).
-I get to work with books. I LOVE books.
-I 100% believe that teaching is what I was born to do and that the big guy upstairs really does have a plan for my life.
-I love acting, my classroom is my life's stage and in the course of a single day I can get boo-ed or applauded based on my performance. I am truly a performer.
-I love to mess with kids heads.
-I like that I play many roles in the lives of my students: teacher, comedian, cheerleader, confidant, coach
-I love, love, love when my students reach success, no matter how small, I feel proud of them, and proud of me too!
-I'm sorta, a little bit, good at this gig.
-I'm a nerd, I enjoy sharing with my kids a LOVE of learning
-Every so often I have a student who is excited about a good book. This makes me elated. I feel like dancing. (Sometimes I do).
-I love listening to kids' ideas, and seeing how their minds work. They are cool people.
-I feel smarter every day. I learn stuff too. This is a neat perk.
-ummm....don't tell my boss, but I get paid to play and hang out with kids all day long, every day.
-I get Christmas cards from former students. I got a letter this year from a college freshman telling me how thankful he was that I taught him how to write a good paper. I cried. It's all worth it.
-I like to read. Sometimes we spend WHOLE DAYS reading in my classroom. Nice.
-Kids are hilarious. There's humor in every moment.
-I get a real sense of accomplishment when a lesson I have planned, and prepped, and slaved over goes REALLY well.
-I get all holidays off to spend time with my family. This is fantastic.
-I like being able to interact with my students who are generally, mostly, good and try to do what I ask of them.
-I feel happy when I make a connection with a kid who is otherwise intolerable with other teachers but who works his butt off in my class.
-I like an excuse to wear high heels once and a while.
-I'm a writer by nature, I like to show my students how and why to write.
-I love to feed upon my students' energy. They have alot.
-I enjoy embarrassing and otherwise finding ways to irritate my students.
-I like candy. So do my students. Its a great relationship.

There are more. But I have papers to grade.

My students are Looney-Toons

2009-11-30T08:40:00.000-08:00

Wow, today is totally the worst Monday ever!!!!

I had to threaten three young men with straight-jackets..... they took me up on the offer, now where do I acquire some of those???

My kids had this for a warm-up today: Fully DESCRIBE a place that you know very well. Explain it so that your reader will also know it very well. Include as many sensory details as possible, when I read it I want to feel like I am there. You have 8 minutes to write.

Check out some of the cool things I got in response:

"It smelled up there, a thick warm smell of wet cardboard, sawdust and cedar. Magic smells like that I think."

"A place I know really well is my room, because my room is me." -T.G.

"...it's cozy there, so much so that you normally trip over something on your way to sit down..." -A.H

"There's a place I visit with my grandpa, the trout fear us there, as they should...our fishing poles are our weapons, and the trees and rocks our shelter as we sit there." -K.Y.

"My old bedroom in Germany had a window that could open whichever way you'd like, in the middle of my slanted ceiling, on the left side of the room. " -C.C.

"The park. No, it's not that kind of park with the swings and the jungle gym. It's the park with the green grass, flowers blooming and the sidewalk leading down by the river that takes you under the bridge..." V.C.

"At the end of a dead-end street there is a forest filled with clovers, vines, flowers and decidious trees. In this forest there is a small path running through it, up and down. Near the end of the path is a large slope that leads to a flat by a big flowing river...." D.M.

This will be a super awesome week. I'm sure of it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-25T15:28:00.000-08:00

I have much to be thankful for! (Here's the short list:)

-hot rolls fresh from the Amish farm down the road
-my momma did some of my laundry this week
-My grandfather rolled his pick-up and although the truck looked like an accordion the man walked away just fine.
-my dog loves to snuggle me, I love to cuddle, we're the perfect match
-I have a stack of brand new books, the bindings yet to be cracked, stacked next to my bed and four more wonderful days off
-my little brother, who is 13 and still thinks I'm cool, rocks at everything he does and I'm so proud of him.
-I have over half a box of Lucky Charms left to eat this week.
-my family is safe and happy and healthy
-I have new, cozy slippers
-My house has HEAT (it hasn't had any lately)
-I am loved.

breakfast.....

2009-11-23T04:18:00.000-08:00

I toasted a pop tart today.
In the toaster.
For the 1st time in just over 14 years.
It wasn't in the toaster oven.
It was in the pop-up kind of toaster, the one
with the evil, squiggly, red lines that melt frosting.
And the springs that sometimes stay stuck in their down position,
until the frosting catches on fire
and black smoke comes seeping out of your windows and your heart
and you hear the screams of fading memories as your world goes up in flames.

The pop tart was strawberry. And not that good.

Start.

2009-11-19T12:14:00.001-08:00

Start now? Or start at the beginning? Starting at all is usually a problem. It’s easier to start now, then it’s possible that the beginning might be forgotten…but, without the beginning is the now really all that worthwhile? I clearly remember the beginning, but I choose not to think about it. Those are two different things, you know? Admitting that you remember is only the first step, you have to choose to think about it to really understand it. It’s the It that I usually like to pretend never happened. The one “oopps” in my seemingly perfect life that I choose to ignore. No one expects such things from a person like me, and when they hear the truth they generally turn away, disgusted. I understand, because I feel that way about myself sometimes.

“Start to forgive.” That’s what Dr. Darcy tells me on Tuesdays when I’m forced into her office by my mother. It’s like a battle. My mom driving, me resisting, I wish I could brace my feet against the door frame of the car and wait for her to push and pull me through the parking lot like a donkey. I feel that unwilling. I wonder what they would do if I let out a loud, braying “he-haw” as we sat in the waiting room. Mom would probably have me committed.

Starting over would be easier if I had someplace else to go. Not that I want to run away, but doesn’t it sound much more pleasant? “Kara moved to California to make a clean start.” That’s the kind of big steps I feel are necessary when one starts over. It’s hard to start over, to start fresh, in dreary, central NY. Especially this time of year when everything is gray and bleak and cold.

Start doing something. I’ve been told over and over and over and over. Mike, my brother, says this a lot. He says it’s why he plays sports. To stay busy and focused on things that don’t really effect his life. Easier said than done. I have started to hate that word “start”. I don’t want to start anything. Why should I get to start when everything else seems to have stopped? All I can think about are those shiny, silver paddles and the flashing red lights.

“Start it! God, start it. Please make that machine start his heart. Start it! Start it!”

Stopped…

This is the Start

2009-11-19T07:12:00.000-08:00

For our first assignment for the Ink Peppers our fearless leader D. gave us words with which to begin our stories. I'm stuck with 'start'. I'm stuck on 'start'. I'm just plain stuck.

So I think I will cheat. :-)

Today's warm-up in my classroom might be this:

Begin a story, poem, paragraph, song, etc. with the word START, then keep writing.

HELLLLLLLLLO

2009-11-18T12:07:00.000-08:00

6 Word Memoirs.....SIX words?!?!?!? I only have 6 words to explain and introduce myself to all of you new, crazy, weird, strange, judgmental (?), SCARY people?!?!!

ok................

My butt still hurts from falling.

Ink Peppers Unleashed

2009-11-16T11:31:00.000-08:00

And so it begins. All members of Ink Peppers (a super cool group at my school) are expected to begin, maintain and regularly write on their own BLOG. So, here's mine.